Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
I think this might be an issue which most people with a disability, mental, or physical disability might go through. Frankly, I find it insulting and annoying! It seems to hurt me more than the pain I go through with Charcot-Marie-Tooth (CMT). And, when I find a friend who does this to me more than a few times, I have to quit hanging out with them because they are not a friend… in my book that is! The friend becomes an obstacle to what I am trying to accomplish!
What am I talking about? While I know CMT prevents me from participating in some of life’s events and adventures, a major pet peeve of mine is when someone decides for me, without asking me, that I cannot do something! So they don’t invite me. Or, they don’t ask me. Before I forget, my wife is excluded from these comments. She knows and can or has made decisions and I’m fine with that. She tends to tell people to ask me!
Several years ago, maybe even a few decades ago, after working through the diagnosis of CMT, I decided to keep a positive outlook in life, find the “good in life” every day, always finding the positive in new pain or health issues, and to do my absolute best in things so maybe I could prolong the onset of more problems. I have to admit, sometimes because of the person’s relationship to me, I will push myself to do or participate in something which can, and often does cause me quite a bit of pain. It’s because I want to do it with them or hang out with them or it means more to me to do this than to avoid suffering the pain. I remember one time I did something for someone and suffered pain and exhaustion the next day. However, I was very happy and pleased to have participated in the event.
Several months ago, a man had to orchestrate the funeral for another man. Out of respect, and in my heart, I wanted to participate in it because I thought so highly of the man. Well, I wasn’t asked. Later, I found out that it was because he knew it would be too much for me- you know, the pain. That hurt. And, that’s the pet peeve that I despise the most. I think it took me several months to get
Ask me. Do not assume. Do not make decisions for disabled people unless you truly absolutely know the answer and know you will not offend them by making the decision. Or, they have given you permission to do that.