Getting My Feelings Hurt!

I was never, still aren’t, one of those people who get their feelings hurt easily or as some say, “carry their feelings on their shoulders waiting for them to be knocked off!” As a child, I wasn’t quite as thick-skinned as I am now but I wasn’t one those “sensitive” kids either. However, there were, and still are, times when – I get my feelings hurt.

I remember the days of being a young child and how rude other children were. They were often cruel too. I can remember being called names, nothing profane mind you, but still. I remember being laughed at because I could not do most of the P.E. requirements. I ran funny. I walked funny. I couldn’t do pull-ups. I couldn’t do sit-ups. I was always the last one chosen to play on a team’s side. The list could go on. I knew I was different, but, at the same time, I wasn’t sure why. Looking back, I cannot tell you all the things which happened or what was said or done, but it seemed like I was always getting my feelings hurt one way or another. Most of the time, it was something that I could not prevent.

I’m not sure why kids liked to tease me. Sometimes I think it is because I was funny looking or weird but they were too. I just never pointed it out or really paid attention to it. Maybe it was my feet. When I was younger, they started turning and have been doing it ever since!

I remember hoping or thinking that one day when I was older, the teasing, rudeness, and cruelty would stop. Ha! That’s not happened yet. The teasing and annoying behaviors went through college and even my adult years. Fortunately, I learned at an early age to love myself. If I didn’t love me, then nobody else would… and frankly, I really wanted a girl to fall in love with me despite Charcot-Marie-Tooth- but that’s another story for another time. I wasn’t much on hanging out with the guys so I didn’t give that much attention.

As an adult, I find one of the more rude things people like to do is make decisions for me. For instance, they do not invite me to do something because they know I have health issues and do not think I can do it. Well, that’s not for them to decide. A friend would not allow me to mow his yard, saving him time and money, because he was afraid I would fall. I told him it isn’t his fault if I fell and the work is good for me. It helps me to keep moving. Another decided that standing to assist at a funeral was too much for me. That cut deep- really deep. Depending on who it is, I will push myself to do something with someone or for someone because I care about them. Sometimes you have to bear some pain for someone in your life.

For me, my parent’s were a great support. Since I am the oldest, I’m not sure how they knew to tell me they “loved me” often. Somehow, they did. Even on the worst days, when the world would be taunting me, the fact that they loved me often rang in the back of my mind. As an adult, it did too. This fact, I believe, helped me to rise above the others and be more successful in life than if I hadn’t heard that from my parents.

After years of not being asked to do something because someone thinks I cannot do it, rather than asking me if I can or would, being the last to be picked to play on a team, not having much interest in sports because I cannot participate, I have become pretty introverted. I have tried to ignore “being left out” or the “things people do” but it isn’t always easiest.

To me, the challenges of living with Charcot-Marie-Tooth add to the frustrations. There isn’t anything I can do about it so I’ve learned to love and accept myself for what I am. Also, I focus on what I can do instead of what I cannot do. I tend to surround myself with friends who believe in me and will not “stifle” me as so many try to do, intentionally or not. This has helped me to live a happy life.

Of course, getting my feelings hurt is just a part of life. From what I hear, everyone goes through it or has these issues. Learning to get past this obstacle is a challenge but it can be done. I have found focusing on God, the people I love and support me in my challenges and are not obstacles, and, of course, the love of my dog and cat.

Parents love your children and tell them often. Friends of someone with CMT, allow them to be themselves. Help them when they ask or just listen when they need it. Be a friend, not an obstacle!